Living by highest values makes for a grateful life. – AUDIO NSFW
What’s up guys? I want to talk with you about values. I want to talk with you about values today. The question I want to ask you is simply this. What are your highest values? Do you know them? Do you know what your highest values in life are?
As I began looking into this as you guys well know, I love to research. I love to read. I jumped into the Internet’s and I wanted to make sure that I understand what values really meant so we can create a foundational base for our thinking today. I looked it up I typed in “define values” and I came up with the definition of value.
What a value is “One’s judgment on what’s important in life.” One’s judgment on what’s important in life. Values, therefore, in many ways influence our behavior and attitude as to how we see the world and what we do in the world. These values, these deep-seated worldviews, these deep-seated principles, these values, guide our thinking our doing in the world today.
I don’t know if this relates to you guys, but what I have found that over time especially in the busyness of life, the busyness of the world, the busyness of everyday things, the happenings of life, the routines of life and obviously work as well, sometimes I forget, actually not sometimes, I will forget and that’s just due to the attrition of not thinking about it and not make and not being disciplined enough, mentally strong enough to remind myself of what my highest values are. Am I operating from my highest values?
The question imminently came to me as I was thinking about this and writing this down is what happens if you don’t know your values? What happens if you can’t communicate your values effectively? Well, that’s not too hard. We can figure out your values pretty quickly. Your behavior, what you do. What you think about is in many ways inconsequential, unless you’re in your head all the time and you move yourself into some sort of mental prison, which I hope none of you guys are in. But it’s behavior that really reveals your values.
Thinking doesn’t reveal your values you just look like a stump on a log when you’re thinking or at least I do. It’s behaviors, the outward actions that reveal what you value. One of the best things that I love doing and one of the things I enjoy doing especially as a consultant and watching executives and leaders and companies and watching teams is I extrapolate people. I extrapolate their behavior. It allows me to look in and see why are they behaving this way? Why are they acting this way especially in confrontations, especially in conflicts? Why is this person responding this way? Why is this person reacting this way? Why is this person taking this emotional approach to this particular situation?
What they do is far more powerful and revealing than what they say. It’s how they respond. It’s how they react. It’s how they interact with people. You can quickly, if you just take a moment and you take a step back and you watch an individual, you watch them interact with other people, you watch them behave over a period of time, if you’re really in tune with life, you can see and you can estimate and you can guess as to what values drive that particular behavior.
I certainly think this is important when you’re in a dating aspect or any type of courtship aspect. You should probably observe more than just talk. I can remember many times in my past, before I was married, years before I was married, in which I just talked. I mean I’m talking to you guys now, so that shouldn’t be too far of a stretch of your imagination, but I tend to talk. I tend to go on.
If you give me an opportunity especially if you’re an introvert like I am and we have a one-on-one conversation, I will divulge. I will say too much. I will over communicate in many cases. That’s just my nature. That’s just what I value. I value communication. I value connection. I value these things. The fact that I love to communicate, I love to talk and I love to connect with other people reveals a deep-seated value that I value relationships. I value community. I value connection with people because that’s where real life change happens.
Life change doesn’t happen being a keyboard warrior. Life happens when you step away from the keyboard and you interact, engage, in your face, communicate with other people. You can do that. I messed up a lot of relationships, guys. I can tell you one reason why some of the relationships didn’t even start in my past when I was in the dating world and college world and post-college world, and these types of things is because I just wouldn’t shut the fuck up.
This is my naiveté. It’s my ignorance. It’s my immaturity. But I can tell you many cases in which I went off on the first date and it was The Peter Show. It was the “Hey, you need to know everything about me.” Not that you asked and I’m sure if we’re going on this first date, then obviously, you have some interest in hanging out with me.
But you know there’s a saying and I don’t know if you know this saying, but this is a saying that at least I’ve heard before and I’ve communicated to others is that “that girl, that woman can be beautiful until she opens her mouth.” Ain’t that the truth? That that someone can be absolutely gorgeous, someone can be absolutely perfect on the outside, until they open their mouth and you realize how ignorant they are, how stupid they are, how whatever they are. It completely ruins your view of them. It completely creates a sour taste in your mouth as you think about them, as you engage with them. That was me! That was me guys.
In my immaturity in the early dating world, that was me. I might have looked great guys on the outside. I might look like a pretty good package if I do say so myself, but I tell you, in my immaturity in the younger years, dude, when I opened up my mouth, women would be like “yo, I’ve had enough of this guy. I’ve had enough of this guy because he won’t shut the fuck up.”
Observe people. Being observant a person. Observe how they act, how they respond, how they react, and that will reveal their values. I think if I were to take another segue into the dating world, I think one of the reasons why the girls didn’t go out with me on a second date is because they realized my values. They realize my values. My value was for me to tell them and continue to fucking talk and The Peter Show. Make sure you know everything about me, which I thought actually I was doing a good service. You need to know what you’re getting into here, lady, woman. So the same thing applies for the woman, same thing applies to the man. The man might look like a great guy, he might look handsome, he might look like a stud, he might have the full package, but until he opens his mouth, then you really realize what he’s all about.
These values—I want to make sure that I’m and I want to make sure that you out there are operating from your highest values. By the way, values can change. I want to make sure that this is clear. Values can change. I know that my values have changed over many times in over many years. You guys might have heard me before say this in other podcasts, but this is something that is fundamentally true to who I am. I have strong opinions weakly held. Let me repeat that I have strong opinions weakly held which means I will fight tooth and nail for that idea. But I am also and I hope that I’ve matured enough to be willing to be open, to be persuaded differently.
Values can change as well, as well as opinions even if they’re strongly held. Even if these values are strongly held. You say, well, how does that happen? I wrote down two ways. By #1, what you decide to do. What you decide to do in life can change and refocus your values to a different value like a job, a job decision. I can think of many different jobs that I’ve taken that have stressed my values, stressed my principles, stretched my worldviews. Without a career decision, maybe the wrong career decision changes your values on life. It changes your perspective on the world.
What about marriage? If you decide to get married, guess what? You certainly have a new value. It’s family now, sucker! What about children? Children change your value. It changes your values hopefully in many ways. It opens up a space in your heart for besides yourself and besides your spouse. It opens a space in your heart that you never knew was there and you never knew that you had the capacity to have that space now is filled with a new value, the value of making sure your kids get the fuck out of there. 18 years, guys, 18 years, that’s what you got to do! You need to survive. Sometimes I joke with my wife. Man, if we can get them past 18 years old that I have succeeded as a father. I have succeeded as a family man.
But values can also change by circumstance, things that have been thrust upon you like situations in life, death, the unexpected situations, accidents, and trauma. Trauma is a great way to change your values or realign you with your highest values. I don’t mind admitting this and I think it’s important for me to say because I’m human like everyone else. I have had, in my past, only one, a serious mental breakdown, a serious physical breakdown. When I say breakdown, I mean the whole body has been broken down. I was hospitalized.
I was hospitalized and the reason is and I can tell you plainly, it is because you cannot work 20-hour days forever. You cannot work 20-hour days forever. This breakdown, this full-body, mental, physiological, psychological, spiritual—this full breakdown was because I had lost sight of my higher values. I did not operate from my higher values. The reason, I was reminded of this, is because I got a text from a friend who was talking about ensuring that he is reminded of his highest values.
I had given him some context, I said, “Hey, I’ve had situations like this similar where I needed to get back aligned to my own core values, my core principles, my highest values.” He said, “Man, I’ve been there too. I had similar versions of what happened to you, to me.” He said, “I knew what it was immediately. I knew what I was trying to chase wasn’t what I wanted. It’s what I thought I wanted. So once I realigned and my new family first…” His context is he’s got a new family, new baby. “I started working less and earning more. Your mind and body will always tell you what you need and you don’t need. I truly believe that.”
Let me say that again. Your mind and your body will always tell you what you need and what you don’t need and I truly believe that, he says. It may not be in the cards for me to do X, Y, and Z, but I’m fine with that because I need to get back to my higher principles. I love the way he said that. I loved the way he said that. At the end of it, he said, man, love you man and thanks so much.
See? That’s why I’m talking about this. That’s why I wrote all these notes down today because I received a life-giving text about our friend and we were just chickadee-chatting about what’s going on in life and how he needed to get realigned and it remind me that man, I too, do not need to have trauma. I do not need to have a mental breakdown, a physical breakdown, a circumstance outside of my control to bring me back.
We have the rational capability, the cognitive capability, you and I, listeners out there on iTunes. You and I have the ability to control it, to bring ourselves back to highest priorities, and not lose our lives because we have forgotten to operate from our highest values.
A breakdown in life can happen when you’re not operating by your highest values. That’s the point. Please don’t miss this. You will have breakdowns in life. You will have breakdowns mentally, physically, spiritually when you’re not operating from your highest values over a long period of time. We need to return to the present. I find that so many people that one of the reasons why they forget over time to operate from the highest values is that they’re either living in the past or they’re anxious and nervous or worried about the future. Let that sink in. I’m sure there are other reasons for why your values can be misaligned over time, but I find that these two are very powerful. I’m sure that you can think about it.
Go back to one of my podcasts talking about not letting your past hold your present and future prisoner. Likewise, those who are too anxious, too worried about the future, they’re not allowed to live in the present. Being present is exactly that. Being there, being fully engaged with the now because the past is gone. It’s ephemeral, it’s vapor, it’s no longer existing. No longer existing.
The future doesn’t exist because it ain’t happened yet in this linear time that we are stuck in. If we were going in the matrix, maybe there is multiple times, but I don’t know of the matrix and all I know is a linear time. I don’t not know what the future holds. It’s not worth worrying about one iota. Return to the present.
LOW VALUES
Operating from lower values are destructive in nature. I wrote this down. It’s so powerful. Low values are destructive in nature. They create the breakdown. I’ll give you an example that I’ve struggled with and then I know that other friends have struggled with. It’s that when you get into a business and it’s going well, there is a natural inclination, maybe you’re stronger than I, maybe not, it doesn’t matter, but there have been projects in the past when those projects have been doing so well then I get wrapped up in the money.
I get wrapped up in the money and when the money is good, the money’s coming in, it’s all brand-new money. It’s exciting it wraps you up and you begin to make compromises, albeit so small. You cut corners. You want to keep that juju going. But now you’re sacrificing your higher values. You’re sacrificing your higher principles to keep that good feeling going. That is what creates the breakdown. And these lower values are often emotionally based which is terrible.
I’ve said this many times. We all know we make our best decisions when we’re highly emotional. Obviously not! Emotion-based decision making is the worst way to go and when you’re trying to enjoy the juju, when you’re trying to keep things going, often, you will base your decisions, your behavior on that feeling, on that emotion to keep it going.
This is problem this is what one of the problems of the addict. I would know! I was a smoker. It took me years, over a decade to quit smoking, guys. The feeling of it going into the mouth, going into the lungs, the feeling of it exiting lungs, this addiction, this feeling. Smoking for me was acting from a lower value system. I did not value my body. The fuck is wrong with me?!
I then value my body high enough to finally give it up. Over a decade, guys, it took me to realign myself to a higher value. I’ll tell you, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made to stop injecting myself with poison. It’s emotional-based. It’s feeling based these lower values that we operate from.
And often, they become uncontrollable due to the fact that this negative behavior of feelings gets ingrained into our routines .So when you’re operating from lower values they’re destructive in nature. That’s just what they are. We’re not meant, as humans, as spiritual creatures, to operate from lower values. It creates the breakdown. It’s emotion-based, and it’s uncontrollable because we love the feeling but the feeling is what destroys us in the end.
HIGHER VALUES
Operating from higher values or understanding higher values is obviously the opposite. Operating from higher values builds up, it’s constructive, it’s life-giving. You guys have heard me say this before in another podcast. I love this term “life-giving”.
Operating from higher values are life-giving to everyone. Everyone wins! You win. I win. Your neighbors win. Your colleagues win. Your friends win. Everyone wins because you’re giving life all the time. You’re operating from these higher values. These higher values are controllable because you can decide you can always decide to operate from your higher value. You’re taking responsibility.
What is living by your highest values allow us? Well, I wrote a couple things down. It gives life to everyone. It’s a win-win. Life is great. You’re contented. This is one of the things that I was talking about with this guy on text message here. I said I’ve noticed that you’re more contented, you’re more content with life, what’s going on?
Actually that was the impetus as to why he started sharing with me because I inquired. I said “Hey your communication, how you’re talking to me, what I’m seeing, it seems like you’re contented.”
I said, “Man, so glad to hear that. I’ve noticed your difference in communication over time that I’ve known you. It seems like you’re really contented in where you are. That’s a great key to life for just being able to be content where you are. Maybe still hungry for more in terms of job, but allowing yourself to be present in day, time, and now. Sometimes I can be too forward thinking and not enjoying the present. You seem to have that down. It’s how I started.” And he said, “Thanks man. Funny you say that because…” And then he went into it. I noticed it.
It was noticeable in this guy because he’s began operating from his highest values and that’s why I’m talking about it to you guys now. Because he’s given life to me now. We’ve had a great conversation and now that life is giving life to you guys. So thank this for being transparent and being open and honest.
Living by highest values makes for a grateful life. It makes you to be kind. It allows you to be loving and accepting of people. Forgiving—I’ve talked a lot about that thing. It allows you to be patient, more patient with people, more patient with life. It allows you to be aware and in control of your emotions. If you want more information on that, go back to my podcast around controlling your emotions, being master of your own emotions.
Living by your highest values allows work to be fulfilling, interesting, and maybe even bearable at time’s, doable and achievable. Living by your highest values allows you to have life in every aspect of what you do.
So how do you know your highest values? Well, you got to research yourself. This is where you might have been saying throughout this entire stream here, you might have been saying well, Peter, how do I know your highest value? Research yourself. That’s not hard. What do you spend time on? What are your time bandits? Where do you fill your time up? What do you focus on? What do you think about? What do you do? What do you enjoy doing? What are you learning? Write all of these things down.
When you write all these things down and you take stock of your day, I would extend it even to a month – a week till a month. Steve, you can write it down over a week. What am I investing my time in? What am I spending money on? Maybe that will reveal my values. What am I communicating? What doors am I closing? Where am I got my blinders on?
This type of personal introspection can give you not the answers, but it could reveal to you where you might be operating from lower values, emotional values, just filling in the gap values that are maybe slowly breaking you down and in some ways reducing your ability to control your life. I know some people that have struggled with anger in the past. I’ve generally not ever been an angry person. I could maybe tell that story some other time in the future. But I’ve known people that have struggled with anger. I’ll tell you, it is uncontrollable when they get angry.
They’ve allowed themselves to work from lower values. They’ve allowed themselves to lose control in moments when they could certainly be in control. One of the scariest things and I hope this rings true to some of you guys out there listening today on iTunes or Google Play or whatever, I hope you’re listening. You can have a 100% track record with people being nice, courteous, considerate.
You can have 100% track record for a decade, 10 years, you can have a great track record of being patient, kind, loving. In that 11th year, you lose it. You lose it. You become uncontrollably angry, upset, or something like this. You just fucked yourself. It’s one of the most unfair realities.
You might disagree with me here and let me know in the comments if you disagree, but I have a strongly held. One of the most unfair things in the world is your consistency of kindness means nothing if you can’t control your anger. All it takes, all it takes, you could be kind for 20 years and in that one moment of blow-up, when you lose it all, when you’re uncontrollably angry, that 20 years becomes vapor. It’s one of the most unfair realities of relationships in the world.
That you could work and you could be so consistent in your kindness, in your consideration, in your niceness, and that one moment that you have an uncontrolled blow up of anger, all those years go away like that. They’re gone because anger and especially uncontrollable anger is so deeply hurtful and so deeply scarring to yourself and to the individual taking the brunt of that anger, that that scar of uncontrolled anger and outburst overtakes 20 years. I know. I know. I hope that you’ve never experienced. I hope you never experienced it.
To know your highest values, how do you spend your time? What do you focus on? What do you think about? What do you enjoy doing? What do you enjoy learning? What’s your time bandits? If they’re negative, that it’s time to consider different behaviors. It’s time to consider back to your highest values.
Where do you want to be? What do you want to do? Where is where is the real kindness, loving, forgiving, accepting, patient individual that’s in there, that gives that wants to give life. If I can lean on one corner, one crux of this argument, it would be what about you loves giving life? What about your love getting life? That’s a great hallmark. It’s a great a beacon of where your highest values are. What gives you life? What gives you life and what gives other people life? That’s what we need to revisit.
So guys, I want to remind you and mostly myself today about operating from your highest values and making sure that you’re not operating from your lower values, which are emotional, uncontrollable and destructive in nature. What type of introspection and retrospection about your behaviors in your life do you need to consider today?
This is Peter, The Bitcoin Lambo. If you appreciated this episode, guys, make sure you smash the like button, share, and let people know about this podcast. Thanks, guys. Have a great one.