RESPECT is EARNED, Not Demanded or Assumed! - The Goal is NOT to be Liked! - 045

The goal here is not to not to have people like you be it having being respected Does not equate to being likable I find this fascinating that people mix these things together The goal is never to be liked when it comes to the context of being respected and respectable Built many startups most of them a fail so Bitcoin is exactly in the place that I like to be We're gonna end it right there Guys, what's up? I just had a wonderful lunch meeting That Korean barbecue guys with a man with a man that I deeply respect and as a side note real quick I hope that you guys you guys out there in the internet land You guys have men and women that you can connect with that you deeply respect people that can you can talk to engage with get Advice from get bounce

ideas off of and have them pour into you Probably because they're just better human beings than you No, but but you I hope that you have great people that you can talk with and just talk about life talk about anything People that are not beholden or have any agendas. There's just men women who are just have Your interest in mind when they're in there with you and engaged with you But anyway after this conversation when we spend about don't are close to shit almost close to three hours With each other I started pondering on this idea of respect because I deeply respect this person And I respect their grond I respect their HaSor I respect them as him as a man as it has a husband up as a provider As a family man, you know as a father has got lots of kids And

and I just I thought about this idea of respect and I was curious about it So guess what I do when I'm curious I Looked shit up and so I looked up the definition of respect so we could further kind of further Inform my ideas around this because I did want to talk about I did want to talk about it with you and the title of today's Topic is respect is earned not demanded or assumed not demanded or assumed but anyway I just got into this definition and I looked at the definition of respect and I want to walk You walk you through it and so my thoughts around around respect being earned and not assumed or demanded cannot be demanded you can ever demand respect But anyway after I typed in define respect in the Internets it came up with this definition it said

admire deeply a person Admired deeply as a result of abilities Achievement or qualities Someone that you a definition of respect is someone that you admire deeply as a result of their abilities their achievements Or qualities and so I wrote a couple things down here and it was easy for me to cut through the chef and the bullshit You'll see why You see when it comes to abilities the ideas I wrote down are abilities you mean skill maybe latent talent Natural abilities right these are things that you can admire deeply and thereby Respect an individual for they have natural skill They have natural talent they have they have abilities that that that are great that allow them to achieve Obviously amazing things are beyond normal brown average things But what I did is I put in you can't see it, but I put an ex on

the ideas I wrote down are abilities you mean skill maybe latent talent Natural abilities right these are things that you can admire deeply and thereby Respect an individual for they have natural skill They have natural talent they have they have abilities that that that are great that allow them to achieve Obviously amazing things are beyond normal brown average things But what I did is I put in you can't see it, but I put an ex on it I put an ex on it and the reason I put an ex on it is because I don't respect that I Don't I don't admire that I don't Everyone has natural inborn skills Now if you are to focus that into something great then that is respectable But I don't respect the natural skill or natural talent or natural ability in and of itself and in the definition

of respect It says someone admire someone deeply as a result of abilities Leaves it up to a little bit of interpretation here, but I interpret abilities skill talent are latent or natural ability I don't really respect that it's what you do Right, it's what you do with those abilities those talents those skills. That's what I can admire That's what I can respect and so I put an ex there a Second one was easy Admire deeply as a result of achievements Well, I just wrote down worldly bullshit Worldly bullshit your achievements in life most of them are just bullshit Do you have medals from middle school high school and maybe even kalehio from college? University dad do you I did do you have your books I did pass that through them all the way Most achievements in life are fucking worthless most most of them now

there if you have personal personal That's a cute operative word there if you have personal goals that you've achieved those are worthwhile But most achievements just bullshit bullshit even even even even gold medals are bullshit and I and I Hey, I am not an Olympic athlete So I might be talking out of my ass here, but I've heard enough interviews. I've read enough interviews of world class top tier rank one motherfucker legend rank one legend the best in the world athletes and And From all in for all the memory that I can conjure up I don't remember any of those world class athletes saying that the reason why they That the sole motive for them to do all this was to get that gold medal that gold literally. It's a medal. It's just It's just a thing. No, they do it because they of the

challenge of the process of the desire to seat to To to to to see the limits of their potential to see how great they truly can be overcome some demon over come some challenge over come some some heinous adversity in life No, when they win the gold medal and they sit down and reflect and they have some stupid ass interviewing ask them dumb ass questions They never say, oh, you know what? I just woke up on a Saturday when I was 13 years old, and you know, I want to win a gold medal No, it's always deeper than that and so achievement guys that was a long-winded way of saying achievements bullshit bullshit bullshit The third one was qualities admire deeply as a result of qualities now that I can get into that I can get into Deeper qualities deeper personal qualities fill philosophical qualities

say, oh, you know what? I just woke up on a Saturday when I was 13 years old, and you know, I want to win a gold medal No, it's always deeper than that and so achievement guys that was a long-winded way of saying achievements bullshit bullshit bullshit The third one was qualities admire deeply as a result of qualities now that I can get into that I can get into Deeper qualities deeper personal qualities fill philosophical qualities worldview lifestyle The qualities of the individual and then I wrote it down character That's what I respect That's what Peter respects I respect character of person. That's what I respect now Now I think you and anyone out there in the internet world could probably put together pretty rational and pretty well-constructed argument For why you can read totally respect and admire deeply individuals because of their abilities and

their achievements I think you and anyone out there could easily put together a solid case for why that works for you But this is my podcast and for me abilities natural innate abilities and your achievements I give two fucks about how's your character? How's your personal life? How's your soul? How's your spirit? How's your home life? How's your relationship life? How's your relationship with your kids? Like these are the things that I care about these are the things that I respect people in I Give two fucks if you own a Lamborghini. I give two fucks if you live in an ice house that none of that shit means nothing to be And this is coming from someone who has those things So maybe I'm just talking out of my ass. Maybe I need to just just sell these things get rid of them So people

be like, oh internet proof fuck it. I love these cars But I don't give two fucks about your these achievements these worldly successes I care about content of your character Actually, I would even go farther. I would actually say that sometimes skills latent talent and achievements can sometimes repel repel people Right because there's too much ego involved in that shit, right? It could actually be a negative against you, right? Sometimes you could be like fuck that guy. He's got these natural skills and he flaunts it like an asshole Or you know, you know look at look at look at her. She achieved that and she's like all haughty and prideful that she's like the shizzin it like Let's be honest. These can actually be roadblocks to people respecting you these achievements and skills and talents if you don't hold yourself in a Respectable manner or

have a respectable behavior, right? These are internal things that exude themselves outwardly, right? And so character my friends character You see there's a lot of presidents. There's a lot of CEOs. There's a lot of men women of industry who hold all these Titles right these are achievements. Okay titles are achievements Right, I've met a lot of them right when I was a consultant for 12 years. I Met some of the most powerful individuals in industry 1450 companies amazing shaking their hand talking with them and having just Amazing conversations about how I could help them improve their software development. I mean this was These are great times, but I tell you People are respected for the title only until you fuck up Right isn't that the truth right people will respect you for it. Oh, Mr. CEO Mr. President Mr. Board member Mr. Mr. You know

Met some of the most powerful individuals in industry 1450 companies amazing shaking their hand talking with them and having just Amazing conversations about how I could help them improve their software development. I mean this was These are great times, but I tell you People are respected for the title only until you fuck up Right isn't that the truth right people will respect you for it. Oh, Mr. CEO Mr. President Mr. Board member Mr. Mr. You know you know so and so you know big big shop whatever right until they have some sort of moral failing Right some some ethical moral failing Or consistent ineptitude over time right the title will gain you the respect Until the moral failing or the character shines through isn't that true? Right or they just underperformed or lacked integrity means that's the that's the real truth Isn't it isn't the

real truth is that men and women of industry they get to these high titles of respect and then we find out where that what their character is Right we find out what their character is and so one thing that I have done a lot of reading about and obviously There were specials about this on TV shows and these types of things is is Theranos and Elizabeth Holmes Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos that was an epic failure if you haven't heard about her She was supposed to be the next Steve Jobs she had created this quote unquote medical breakthrough in Being able to have one prick of your your your blood or your from your finger and you'd be able to have a thousand different tests run It was a miracle right to be able to do all of that with one little drop of blood in

easy applicator system turns out Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos was all made up it was vaporware even the likes of people like Bill Gates and Warren Buffett invested in her even the guy who owns Virgin Airlines Richard Branson, I believe even investor. I mean she sold a bag of goods so deep and so wide It was amazing that some of the most respected men and women of industry invested in her and it was all vapor was all made up But isn't that the usual happenstance now that was an epic failure in the world stage But isn't that the usual happenstance? Is isn't that how it happens is that people are given respect because of the title and then we find out the Rio content of their character the moral failing or the the lack of integrity Right respectable leaders here's here's here's what I'm really trying

to say is respectable leaders get results the right way They get results with integrity they get results with character they get results with consistency of character And that's what we're going to talk about three ways to earn respect and these are things that I wrote down number one The best way to learn earn respect number one is consistent behavior That's actually one of the things that I talked about as a software development consultant when Helping companies understand how to improve their software development speed Is that we need to create consistent behaviors within this overly complex system Or at least have consistent behaviors to the best of our abilities So that we can at some level measure some output that makes sense Right You want to earn respect you have to have consistent behavior over time Are you are you the person that you say you

talked about as a software development consultant when Helping companies understand how to improve their software development speed Is that we need to create consistent behaviors within this overly complex system Or at least have consistent behaviors to the best of our abilities So that we can at some level measure some output that makes sense Right You want to earn respect you have to have consistent behavior over time Are you are you the person that you say you are are you when is your yes mean yes does your no mean no Are you going to act in consistency over a multitude of different experiences over life That is what you're measured by right you want to earn more respect Have consistent. Let me interject this consistent positive behavior over time right no one enjoys a negative Nancy Look to fuck up and reprogram yourself Back to positivity

life is worth living for fuck's sake Man I can't tell you how many negative Nancy's I meet all the time is like what's I don't even want to get into it. I should probably do another podcast on why it's important for you to never think negatively ever I'm actually I'll write that down right now Negativity there we go negativity Perfect Number two take responsibility. What I respect take responsibility personal responsibility what this means is a character of integrity Yeah, it was your fault. You were part of it take responsibility Oh, you're the manager. You're the boss. It's still your fault. I find this I do I found this to be one of the most fascinating things In the corporate world as an engineer developer For a fortune 50 company right out of college, okay? Or beef and I was also there before college there's an

intern But even as a consultant for for these large companies as well It It's slayed me this this idea that managers of development teams could go home at 435 and 530 And they would ask their engineers developers to stay there at 739 o'clock What What Sometimes as a consultant I would be there until 9 9 30 10 with these engineers developers and I was a consultant Was I getting paid for those hours? Hey, I'll know brother got paid by the day Okay, those were free for me to them But I wanted to earn the respect of the engineers and developers because I wanted them to see that I was willing to do what it takes To help them succeed right Even when their manager is at home at 530 having dinner with his spouse and kids and all of the rest of us are sitting

at work That type of integrity that take a personal take fucking personal responsibility attitude guys will earn your respect over time Number three, this is I wrote this do the shit Now that needs some qualification doesn't it do the shit is what I wrote down Respect is earned through the hard times of life and through doing the shit Okay, meaning doing taking out the trash Meaning smashing the like button Meaning doing the menial tasks that are way below your pay grade That is what earns the respect of others is that you're willing to go the entire you're you're willing to traverse the entire Uh the entire company and do everything necessary from the role of the CEO all the way down to the guy just writing the code and even lower Still the secretaries and the note takers Are you willing to do that? Are

the like button Meaning doing the menial tasks that are way below your pay grade That is what earns the respect of others is that you're willing to go the entire you're you're willing to traverse the entire Uh the entire company and do everything necessary from the role of the CEO all the way down to the guy just writing the code and even lower Still the secretaries and the note takers Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to do the shit? Are you willing to persevere and be a stability for other people in those troubled times as well? Are you willing to go above and beyond rise to the occasion and be a fucking man? I mean war makes the ordinary extraordinary. I've talked about that before War and hard times make ordinary men Extraordinary that is a one way to earn respect is

you're willing to do the shit willing to do what it takes right? Respect is the privilege of the trustworthy and dependable I'll repeat that that was pretty damn good I wrote that down respect is the privilege of the trustworthy and dependable Do you want to have great respect in life from your peers? You want to have great respect from other people and by the way The goal here is not to not to have people like you being having being respected does not equate to being likeable I find this fascinating that people mix these things together the goal is never to be liked When it comes to the context of being respected and respectable The goal is never to be liked. It's never been fuck there's a I screenshot for the behind the scenes people in our in our in our behind the scenes group I

screenshot shit all the time of how much hate I get and might some people say well that might be negative programming Always taking screenshots and putting them in folders. I love it. I have reprogrammed my brain if you give me shit online Bro, I live off it because you're typing shit to me well, I'm working like There's nothing else I need to say. I'm working on my dreams. You're probably typing that stuff at a slave cor- a corporate slave job So who's winning like who's winning man? Fuck there's so many people that don't like me, but I don't care I'm still I'm doing this because I love it. I'm doing this because I want to give I'm doing this because I know that this has a long tail goal that none of y'all motherfuckers know about and it's great I can enjoy that and do

that with integrity and I can do it with excellence You know people might not like it They might not like you and that's okay, but you know what they'll respect your hustle The respect that you won't quit You know they might not like it when you hold them accountable Right when you say the tough things when you ask the tough questions They might not like it. They might not like you when you hold them accountable and you ask them tough questions Right, but they're gonna respect That you're willing To talk about it and that you have empathy and sympathy for their situation. They're gonna respect that You know people might not like they might like your disciplines, but they'll respect for you for your consistency and grind and your fucking mental toughness to not quit People might not like your disciplines your behaviors sometimes But

might not like you when you hold them accountable and you ask them tough questions Right, but they're gonna respect That you're willing To talk about it and that you have empathy and sympathy for their situation. They're gonna respect that You know people might not like they might like your disciplines, but they'll respect for you for your consistency and grind and your fucking mental toughness to not quit People might not like your disciplines your behaviors sometimes But they can't knock the grind and that's like that's like my life I've never been liked by the math by by people. I don't say masses. I should hope that oh Maybe that's true, but You know, I don't think that's not important to me, right? It's not important to be to be to important for me to be liked But you can't knock my hustle guys. I show up

every day for fucking work You know what people might not like you and they might not agree or or be in line With your beliefs, you know what they might not like you or your beliefs or agree with your beliefs But you know what they'll respect you if you are able to communicate your beliefs In a humble way Is that fair? Let me repeat those three the goal is not to be for people for people to fucking like you All right, they might not like that you hold them accountable and ask them the tough things But they will respect your willingness to engage they might not like your disciplines or some of your behaviors But they'll respect you for the consistency and the grind and the mental toughness that you have They might not agree or might not like your beliefs But they'll respect the

fact that you're willing to engage and communicate them in a humble manner Right, and so The ways to earn respect are sustained and consistent behaviors taking responsibility to have an integrity of character and your ability to do the shit Necessary to fucking win the goal is never to be liked It's never to be liked The goal is to achieve your own goals and you know what the ultimate win is Is that you get to achieve your own goals regardless of being liked or respected So You want to earn respect or the What are some of the behaviors that you need to be changing today This is Peter the Bitcoin Lambo if you appreciated this episode then smash the like button stay a while. Let's subscribe You know it'd be really cool if you send this to one person in your network That's always cool. Anything

you want to comment let a brother know have a great one