PERMISSION to FAIL - SHAME produces WILLPOWER! - 019

Is that where we're ashamed of? We're ashamed of that we were going for it 110% that we're giving it our all That when we go for it and we mess up You Have an opinion about me Me I built many startups most of them a fail so Bitcoin is exactly the place that I like to be we're gonna end it right there What is it about us people what is it about us what is it about us that we? innately are too hard on ourselves That's the topic for today And we have come to this topic because I had an experience with my son yesterday I had said I I am the type of dad that goes and encourages my children to do more than usual activities outside let's just put it that way Let's just say I don't mind adding a little bit of

risk but I Don't what I really what I really mean to say what I really mean to say is I don't mind adding excitement but with excitement comes a little bit more risk and So for those that know and have seen me do these things before like my kids are always riding their bikes outside We just love to have kids that are always outside just like you and I were back in the 70s and 80s guys I mean we were we grew up outside right so I love having my kids outside they love riding their bikes and I Have I was an avid bike rider I still have my bike right here, but I Don't write as much, but I love doing wheelies So I love doing wheelies and and I have shown both my children how to do wheelies on their bikes Now they're

practicing these things and obviously whenever you do anything new like this You can make mistakes you can get hurt you can fall back I'm also the type of Aapa. I'm also the type of father when they're riding their bikes and I see a stone and I see A board I kind of put two and two to one and one together make two let's build a ramp and so Some guys some of you guys have seen that in some of the previous videos, but I've created a ramp For my kids as well, so I like adding excitement and obviously there by adding just a little bit of risk But I had a event that happened yesterday with my son and he was practicing his wheelies and He was practicing and you know whenever you practice and you try to push the limit just a little bit

You're gonna come back now. He's had a couple of these these where he's gone too high and he's learned how to pop off his seat Plant his two feet on the ground and you know the bike stands up and you're good But sometimes you pop up too too fast and you end up falling well in this particular occasion What it was really interesting and I watched the entire thing unfold is that he popped up It was just a little bit too far But he leaned into it right and this is this is when you know you're just you're gonna make that break Right, you're gonna make that you're gonna do that little risky thing and it could end up spelling disaster for you But man if you stick it right if you stick it you'll come out and you'll be a champion type of deal

entire thing unfold is that he popped up It was just a little bit too far But he leaned into it right and this is this is when you know you're just you're gonna make that break Right, you're gonna make that you're gonna do that little risky thing and it could end up spelling disaster for you But man if you stick it right if you stick it you'll come out and you'll be a champion type of deal Anyway, I didn't work out like that didn't work out like that guys So he came he popped up went a little too far He leaned into it gave it a little bit more juice and then unfortunately came Right down hard on his front wheel and so he came back up back and then like jerk boom slam front wheel down Okay, so front wheel down coming from a

wheelie and he flies Over the handlebars. It's the side of his his body his left side of his body on the handlebars You know crash crash roll roll out out big deal and And for me as a father I watch this and I don't rush to his side I watch it and I could see he was clearly in pain Clearly in pain But more than that more than that More than that he was Shamed I could see he was holding back the tears from the pain of that of that fall And he's grabbing his immediately grabbing his bike walking opposite direction of me So I can't see his face and I catch up to him I grabbed the bike I put my hand on I stop it I say son you don't need to get back on the bike You don't need to get back

on this bike and he's and he's pushing he's pushing He's not looking at me because he if he knows that he catches my eyes and I know this too Right he knows if he catches my eyes it's coming out and I hold then I say bro You don't need to get back on the bike just chill you just fell off man just chill just chill and he's still kind of tugging still kind of tugging trying to get away Right and then finally he gives in you can't beat off. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna stand there I'm a kneel there until you give in And he turns around and he looks at me and I say bro. I know a hurt man I know it hurt bro. It's okay. You can just chill and And when he hears those words he immediately goes up I

hurt so bad and he he comes and he crumbles in my arms And I give him a huge hug I put the bike down and I tell him it's all right You know We have to get we have to give ourselves a permission to fail we have to give ourselves permission to make mistakes. It's called learning We had this I get this this is a parent child issues kids don't want to fail in front of their parents I didn't want to fail in front of my parents. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it We don't want to fail We we don't want to look like we messed up. I can I can give you a thousand examples of how this played out in my life when I when I was So I guys I was always into

issues kids don't want to fail in front of their parents I didn't want to fail in front of my parents. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it. I get it We don't want to fail We we don't want to look like we messed up. I can I can give you a thousand examples of how this played out in my life when I when I was So I guys I was always into public speaking some of you guys could probably say well that makes a lot of sense But yeah, I mean even at the youngest age I think I think I started doing public speaking probably What was I was ain't Tokyo when I was doing some stuff? Yeah, probably probably yeah probably you know 10 11 12 13 14 right Yeah, so I've I've been into public speaking and I've

done public speaking in terms of at the church I've done public speaking for for consulting. I've done public speaking speaking on behalf as a ambassador different organizations in the past But I'll tell you this the few moments the few moments When I have had to speak and do public public speaking and my father Was present I'll tell you it was always really interesting to look out in the crowd and see him and The reason is is because he would never watch me Oh, he would watch me get on stage and he would watch me prepare and he would you know prep and then get get ready to go and then I never knew when actually I never knew when all I all I all I know is that there was always a moment in the beginning of my Talk my speech the thing that I

was doing that would look out in the crowd I'd see my father and and and and and every time I glanced down around where my my father was His eyes would always be closed His eyes would always be closed And I'll tell you I never I never knew the reason why I Could probably conjure up some assumptions as to why maybe it's because he just wanted to hear and listen and and totally Totally suck in what his son is talking about Maybe he closes eyes because he doesn't need to see me speak because he knows what I look like He knows my mannerisms. He knows my behavior. He's he's he knows all this until he just wants to focus on What I'm saying I always thought to be quite frank with you guys. I always thought he closed his eyes because he didn't want me

to feel embarrassed or Feel like there was any pressure from him. That's why I think he never watched me do these things I Think he knew that That if I had made a mistake or I'd said something and it didn't come out right or I Forgotten what I needed to say or or messed up during that that talk that speech whatever That he knew that I would take it maybe more personal more hurtful If if I caught his glance in the height of that mistake Maybe I'm just overthinking it maybe Close his eyes because the brother was fucking asleep and he said yeah, maybe that But what it really was guys what it really was is a fear it was not in terms of this whole idea of giving your Self permission to make mistakes. That's what I want to talk with you guys about

take it maybe more personal more hurtful If if I caught his glance in the height of that mistake Maybe I'm just overthinking it maybe Close his eyes because the brother was fucking asleep and he said yeah, maybe that But what it really was guys what it really was is a fear it was not in terms of this whole idea of giving your Self permission to make mistakes. That's what I want to talk with you guys about But what it really was what it really is for me is the fear of shame of Feeling shame for making mistakes and having people find out about it. I think that's the bigger issue I came into this equation. I came into this this this talk today guys Around the idea of giving yourself permission to make mistakes or giving yourself permission to fail But what I came to

as I was going through my notes when I came to the conclusion what it really was It was not a issue of give my self permission to fail it was Get all utilize the shame or the fear of shame To produce will to produce will power You know that for me and this is only me I don't know how it's gonna work out for you guys, but for me that has been such a huge motivator and It's generally never stemmed from mistakes that I've made it's come from the shame of people Saying or I me overhearing or or hearing something that makes me feel like I'm that they don't believe that what I'm doing is possible Right That makes me feel shame like I haven't been able to convince you. I haven't been able to show you I haven't been able to prove to you

and For me that like how I have translated that interestingly is is into some semblance of shame and that shame produces this will power This I'll show you Motherfucker at least that's how I've internalized this shame But what what what are we shamed of what what is this fear of shame really all about What is it? Is it that we are we're ashamed and I was writing these notes down is it is that we're ashamed because we went for it Because we gave it our all Is that where we're ashamed of we're ashamed of that we we're going for it 110% that we're giving it our all That when we go for it and we mess up You'll Have an opinion about me Did you guys follow that logic none of that makes any sense What are you afraid of what are you ashamed of?

Where might you need to give yourself permission to fail? Because What happens if you fail people will think something of you we've talked about this if people think something of you Wonderful in a hundred years they'll be gone and so will you No one will remember you and they certainly they certainly won't remember What just happened So what are we really fearful of in terms of giving ourselves permission to fail or the fear of The shame of failure because we went for it because we gave it our all But here's the here's the problem guys when we go for it when we go for it and We mess up we also get something done We progress You see when my son fell off That bike in one of the most spectacular ways it hurt It look I mean it looked like it hurt bro, you

ourselves permission to fail or the fear of The shame of failure because we went for it because we gave it our all But here's the here's the problem guys when we go for it when we go for it and We mess up we also get something done We progress You see when my son fell off That bike in one of the most spectacular ways it hurt It look I mean it looked like it hurt bro, you know you ever you ever see someone get you hitting like a football game or something like that And you're like bro. I felt that shit like that fucking hurt like when I saw my son flip over this bike and Smash his left side into the handlebar. I was like, bro That's gonna leave a mark And in that pain and in that suffering and in that shame Then

I hopefully to the best of my ability Showed my son that I'm always gonna be here as best as I can he never has to worry about me Giving him shame it'll never come from me. It'll be self-induced. I promise But I was there I got to give him a hug and he made progress He's one step closer and that's when I told him I Told him I said you're one step closer bro. I was You were up there for at least two seconds, bro. You know We can keep ourselves From a life of progress We can keep ourselves from a life of progress merely because of the fear of the shaying or Or not being able to give ourselves a permission to try to fail When you make a mistake my friends you have just opened up a new territory to explore and conquer

I wrote it in my notes and that my friends is one of my favorite things about learning is that when you make a mistake You have now entered into a brand new game a brand new world a brand new territory that you Thought wasn't there number one, but number two you clearly haven't mastered because you fucked up You messed up You you you now have to conquer this new land. It's like the fog of war in Starcraft or Warcraft or any big MMO You know as your little tune is walking around the grass or walking around the map. There's this fog war You don't know what's out there? You don't know But there could be treasure On the other side of the fog or war there could be reward there could be new resources Vespine gas motherfucker. We got to get that Vespine gas There

could be new challenge. Oh, and also there could be death On the other side of the fog or But that's what the game of life is all about The game of life is walking into the fog of war and What you're hoping for is we wore new resources new challenges Vespine gas But you could be stepping into your death That's what I love I say proverbial death, you know not real death, but proverbial death right when you miss make a mistake You've just opened up a new territory to conquer that's good. I enjoyed this I mean others don't especially if you You know share your learnings with them sometimes people don't like it when you're learning new stuff It's it's sometimes interesting. I don't know I'm having this thought but sometimes interesting how Successful people forget the grind and how hard they have to work

you know not real death, but proverbial death right when you miss make a mistake You've just opened up a new territory to conquer that's good. I enjoyed this I mean others don't especially if you You know share your learnings with them sometimes people don't like it when you're learning new stuff It's it's sometimes interesting. I don't know I'm having this thought but sometimes interesting how Successful people forget the grind and how hard they have to work to get where they are And when you share with successful people that you're learning something new they they laugh or they scoff or they're like Oh, that's interesting. All right, I found that it's like Bra, didn't you remember you had to learn something new? Didn't you remember when you were terrible? Didn't you remember that successful people today? Do it poorly Before they do it well Let me

say that again. That's actually worth repeating successful people do it poorly before they do it well Successful people do it poorly before they do it well You have to go through the learning to take the 1% every day the one step every day Give your per-self permission to make mistakes if you're going to move forward Fuck the shame it produces will I'll show you I got this new territory to conquer I didn't know this even existed. I can't believe I fell into this. I made a mistake and I've fallen into a new world I did not know what I didn't know and I didn't know that this great new land needs to be conquered by me now Any investment in Experience avails higher levels of productivity and higher levels of Efficiency do do do go go go don't quit trying don't stop learning This is

what I told and always tried to remind my kids about All the time and every time they make a mistake. I remind them. I said keep going Try again Try again Keep going I'm here We got this And so for you guys out there listening today I Hope that you will give yourself permission to go forward permission to make mistakes permission to fail Fuck the shame produces will So what if someone thinks something about you because you went for it you you you you you you went for it with all you had you gave it You're all and and People saw you fail Oh well Demons a new day Three things to remember three things to remember when you're giving yourself permission to fail and move forward Leverage your support those who do they care about you they want to help you Number two just

take one step at a time keep going keep going And number three never forget that the 1% today is The goal and the mistakes that you make are never more important in your goal Your goal is always going to be greater than your mistakes So leverage your support keep going step by step and remember the goal whatever that is guys Give yourselves permission to fail face What is shaming you or you thought would shame you in my son's example my thought my son thought Poorly he was mistaken He thought that he would look at me and I would shame him for making a mistake. No, bra. I'm on your team Don't worry about what people think keep moving forward guys you got this This is Prida the Bitcoin land though if you like this episode guys Subscribe smash the Lizzy DeLite button and if you

is shaming you or you thought would shame you in my son's example my thought my son thought Poorly he was mistaken He thought that he would look at me and I would shame him for making a mistake. No, bra. I'm on your team Don't worry about what people think keep moving forward guys you got this This is Prida the Bitcoin land though if you like this episode guys Subscribe smash the Lizzy DeLite button and if you double think about it Send this to somebody send it to somebody that might need it. Oh give me a comment below